Where does the “need to be right” come from? Does it come from low self-esteem? Does it come from lack of trust in oneself? Does it come from self-judgment? Righteousness is easy to identify when it is extreme. When it is a rigid or bizarre religious stance, or far right or left politically. In many ways, when it it is easy to see it makes it less dangerous. What I want to look at is everyday, ordinary, easy-to-miss righteousness. I am talking about the kind you participate in every day. You do it when you think you know what would be best for someone else. You do it when you try to convince them that your way of thinking is better, healthier, more reasonable…..and even if you don’t voice it you are often thinking it. It is something of which I have become very aware and with that awareness I can now “catch” myself when I find myself communicating this way.
What could be simply listening to another person share their feelings, beliefs, and truths, seems to have become listening for the purpose of formulating the best way to convince them that the way you think about it, that your opinion/belief, is the “right” one. Rather than just listening and witnessing their truth for them. Often basic communication has become about 2 people trying to change each, rather than witness each other.
It is as if you begin to distrust your own truth if others do not validate it for you. I urge you to become aware in your communications. When you share your truth about something, your perception, your plan, your ideas…..do you need the other person to agree? Do you need them to validate it for you? And when someone shares with you do feel the need to agree or to share your opinion about what they just shared?
I think life would be so different if we all valued and allowed our truth….AND….allowed and valued the truths of others. It would be communication without judgement.